Do you ever wonder if you are hard to love?  

Perhaps because you can only give what you have been given. 

What I mean by that is…

Think of a dog who was physically abused by a previous owner.  That dog will not jump in your lap and greet you with a wagging tail — until you repeatedly give the dog some love, kindness, and compassion over an extended period of time.  If the previous owner did not show or teach the dog love, then the dog did not receive love.

When you love the dog, over time, you build trust.  A new way will be found.  And when the dog receives your love — meaning take it into his heart and feel it — then, and only then, can he give the love back to you.

Another way to look at it…

When someone’s suffering is so large and intense that it fills every ounce of their being, they do not have the capability or capacity to receive love, or fill their being with anything else.

People are like mason jars.

Are You Hard to Love by Christine Boudreau Life CoachYou can be filled with anything — love, hate, anger, bitterness, etc.  If you are filled with hate and bitterness, and it’s spilling over the sides, then there is no room for love — no matter how hard someone tries to pour some love into your jar.

You allow/enable/help that suffering person to empty their bitterness, anger, hate, sadness, etc by simply listening — just being there to hear their stories and sympathize with their pain.

All you need to do is listen.

The act of listening and being fully present in that moment is an act of love.

Do not expect the suffering person to be able to receive (or even appreciate) your act of love while they are in that state of suffering.  All they can do at that moment is suffer.  All you can do is listen.

But it is the coming together of these two people, in this yin-yang way, that balances the energy and allows for a release of negative energy, which eventually allows for a reception of positive energy, i.e., love.

Emptying the jar, or the hurt, allows for healing.  The process of emptying is healing.

Once the jar is emptied, love can be received.  Once love has filled the jar, then love can be given.

You can only give what you have been given.

And the whole process begins again with the suffering person evolving into the giver of love — listening and allowing the release of suffering for someone else.

So ask yourself…

What have you been given… From your mom?  Your dad?  Your friends?  From the influential people in your life?

And what do you have to give?

Is there some suffering you need to empty to allow room for love?

This is God’s work:  Emptying the jar.  Allowing love to fill you.  Giving love to others.